I use to write on my blog as a form of self awareness and therapy for myself. I had almost no filter on my blog when I was younger. Somewhere along the way I started to filter myself.  I’m sure no-one wanted to hear my whiny immature rants about whatever it was I was angry or upset about. And that makes sense, I was growing as a person.

When I was in college I had some friends that had a radio show. It was at some pretty late hours so I’m sure no-one was listening. It was a show called Brutal Reality on Jacksonville State’s 92J. I was in love with the idea of podcasting. I was a long time fan of TechTV. I loved The Screen Savers and I really wanted to do something like that. I use to watch Diggnation and watch Alex Albrect and Kevin Rose drink beer and shoot the shit. They talked about top rated stories, and were able to just be themselves and enjoy each other’s company as brothers. I found myself going on Brutal Reality sometimes looking for callers to ask computer questions in a segment we did sometimes. I owned this domain, and so I was “Mr. Geeknotions”. We ended up getting friends that were hanging out in the lobby to call in with questions because, like I said before, I’m sure no one was listening.

So when I left college, I got a job here in Decatur, AL. I barely knew the people I was working with. I had a hard time adjusting. I’m sure I wrote some on my blog, but I also ended up finding a running group on meetup.com. It was a bunch of married ladies (minus a girl who wasn’t interested in guys) but hey at least I was getting exercise and branching out a little! I also got a great friend of mine from college to come to work with us and ended up making great friends with the people I work with.

At the end of all of this, I’m still this single guy living in an apartment literally on the edge of town. At this time I have social anxiety really bad. In the terms of going places to meet people I didn’t really have a wingman. I have some friends that tried, but I needed someone who knew other people in the area to be a social conduit for me. I didn’t have that.

I had the internet and social media to make me even more anxious about meeting ladies. It lead to some bad decisions like trying to date someone I went to college that I shouldn’t have that lived a couple of hours away. We made better friends and things just didn’t work out there. Also I learned that long distance doesn’t work for me.

So I started using dating apps. I’m pretty sure I tried all of the popular ones. Getting responses was tough. When I went on dates, sometimes I’d think things went well and then I was ghosted. Or sometimes things seemed good in theory then there’d be no chemistry. I did end up dating someone for a while, but ultimately we didn’t want the same things. A good relationship is hard to find. I’m glad I don’t need to bother with all of that anymore. It was exhausting.

Immediately after that relationship, I had the opportunity to go to California for a month for work. I did some pretty cool things. I got to see San Francisco and Alcatraz. I also drove down highway 1 along the coast to Monterey Bay. The cliff’s on the drive were beautiful. After I passed Half Moon bay, I stopped and walked down a path next to this beautiful field full of yellow wildflowers. I came to the end of the path and stopped and felt the power of the wind as it soared off the waves.  I then continued to Monterey Bay to the aquarium where some of Star Trek IV was shot (the one with the whales). It was a time for me to gather my thoughts and just be one with myself.

After I got home, life continued normally for a bit and I helped around on a couple of film projects with a group of people I had met through my previous relationship. I just wanted to be a part of something like I had dreamed of in earlier years. I wanted to be a part of something more and do some cool things with friends. The film thing was kinda disastrous, for a lot of different reasons that I will not get into. But I was clawing to find something to hold me up after my previous failed relationship.

Then one day something happened that would unexpectedly change my life forever. My apartment was burglarized. I had some good renter’s insurance, so I just had a bit of a deductible to get replacement items. I got this money back due to a court order against one of the criminals. The other criminal has been in and out of jail since the burglary and we still haven’t had the trial 4 years later.

But why was this good luck for me? It got me off of my rumpus and I went and found a house. I had some friend’s wives come house shop with me to get the female perspective. With their help, and the help of my realtor, I found my beautiful home.

I had been binging out on Little Caesar Pizza leading up to my move in day because everything was in boxes. Also I may have been a little depressed that I was going to have this nice size house and probably feel even more lonely.

After all of this, and wanting to nearly give up, I tried the online dating thing again. I got to talking to this great lady that I now call my wife. We hit it off immediately, and we met up at a Starbucks for the first time. A lot of times, when meeting someone in person they don’t look like their picture online. My wife was even more beautiful in person. We talked even more and had a nice long walk on a trail right down the road. I still think about that conversation that we had. I don’t remember much of what was said, but I remember the feeling that I still have today.

After our first official date, we saw something that was a sign of what was to come. We saw a rainbow in the distance, because you were meant for me and I for you.

Since we’ve been married, I have mostly ignored this blog. This blog was a coping mechanism of mine that I just haven’t needed. The film business and social media in general was the same thing for me. It was just a way for me to ignore what I really wanted.

And now we embark on a new journey: parenthood x2. I find myself asking what I can do to be a good husband and to be a good father. And hopefully asking these questions continually will make me be these things.

So what will this blog become? Maybe it’ll become a blog about cool geek things to do with your kids? Maybe it’ll be more. I have missed writing here and I hope to bring more to you. From here on out though, this blog is definitely not a coping mechanism. It’s filling a need to have a creative outlet.

Hoping to be the best geek dad.

-Bryan